les petites pensées deeluxes

dearest tea baggers...

2009-09-18T12:13:00.001-07:00

first of all, you must be so far removed from popular culture. given it's slang meaning, i just can't help but visualize...well, i'll spare your sheltered ears the details of the imagery...whenever i read anything about the "tea bag" protests, "tea baggers," etc.

to all you "tea bag" frosties and boomers who are or will soon be enjoying any benefits through medicare, i'm the one who's taxes will be paying for your healthcare. if your heathcare is government-provided through medicare, you are in NO position to complain about *my* money (since *you* are no longer contributing to the workforce) potentially subsidizing healthcare for other people, too. end of story; shut your mouth.

to all you "tea bag" frosties and boomers who are or will soon be enjoying income from social security, i'm the one who's taxes will be paying for your food, shelter, vacations, gifts to grandkids, co-pays and whatever you're using that check for with no guarantee that a cent of my taxes will still be around to fund my own retirement. put in your dentures and chew on that.

to all of you "tea baggers" who are stupid people, got yourself injured and are collecting disability or social security or other government help, i am the one who's taxes are, at this moment, funding your solvency in the face of your stupidity or bad luck or whatever it was. you are cashing checks because our government cares about your *welfare*. yes, you are collecting welfare, and "welfare" is about all of us taking care of each other. isn't that what your god wants, for us not to judge but instead to care for one another? as you're choking on your own hypocrisy, remember that the universal sign for choking is to point at your throat -- hopefully someone who actually cares about the welfare of others will be around to perform the heimlich.

to all of you "tea baggers" who didn't work hard enough or prove yourself valuable enough to be the one who wasn't laid off (because it's all self-determination that makes for personal success, right?), if you have collected unemployment or food stamps or any kind of government aid during this time of hardship, again, you were receiving a form of government welfare. the taxes you and i paid when you were employed -- and those that *i* am paying during your unemployment -- are funding your safety net. um, are you needing to point at your throat yet?

look people, no one likes paying taxes. it hurts to see a chunk of the money you made go off to the government. it’s the fruit of your labor and you want to be able to control where it goes. however, do you enjoy having roads to drive on? do you enjoy having emergency services like police and fire available to keep you and your property a little safer? are you or your children the recipients of a public school education for which you didn’t have to pay tuition? did you or your children attend a public university or community college? do you enjoy having safe, clean drinking water? would you prefer to pay significantly more for energy, food, medicine or a plethora of other services and products the government subsidizes for all of us?

let's face it, we’ve got a freaking sweet deal. i guarantee that most of us would be paying WAY MORE out of our paycheck if we had to pay individually for the many, many services and benefits that our government funds or subsidizes with our tax money. it's a tacit agreement, and i know we all want to be the consumer in control, but we’re getting a great group rate and a better deal by letting the govement manage the group discount program.

i believe that willingly paying taxes is perhaps the most patriotic act there is...after enlisting and giving your body, mind and life into the service of our country. those of you who complain about taxes and want to “take your country back” (which is usually code for take your money back or reassert your white privilege), are ultimately a bunch of selfish hypocrites who need to take a time-out, actually turn on that brilliant brain of yours, and think before you speak.

ponderings

2009-02-13T10:10:00.000-08:00

why do i find it intensely sad to watch people eat meals alone in public? i guess i must have learned to associate dining out as a social event and only a social event. intersting. but seriously, the guy eating the cheese and fruit plate next to me was making a painfully deep pit of sorrow grow in my belly. until he took a notepad out and started writing. now it's not just him and his food and his loneliness (my projection), so all the sudden things are okay again.

you call that "cutting taxes"?

2008-09-16T13:17:00.000-07:00

i'm already concerned about the exorbitant price of private medical insurance. this article scares me! http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/16/opinion/16herbert.html?em

mccain's health plan would a) RAISE TAXES (quelle suprise) on the masses who are lucky enough to have employer sponsored medical insurance (and are already paying a pretty penny towards it), b) increase the number of americans (including children) who are without medical insurance and c) line the pockets of people who are already making crazy money off of an industry whose mission should be to keep people alive and healthy first (make money second).

for real? you’re going tax my employer’s contribution to my medical coverage premiums as income? and you’re going to stand up there and tell america that you’re going to cut taxes?

oh, i’m sure you’re going to cut some sort of taxes, camp mc/pain. what corporate welfare will be funding by raising taxes on me and my fellow americans? tell us that.

palin conundrum

2008-09-02T09:35:00.000-07:00

from the ny times, about palin's announcement about her daughter's pregnancy:

"The announcement came after a swirl of rumors by liberal bloggers that the governor’s fifth child, who was born in April, was in fact her daughter’s."

really? have politics devolved such that anyone would start rumors that palin faked a pregnancy to cover the pregnancy of her teenage daughter? this is the stuff of national inquirer. and how sad for palin that her camp has to issue a public statement that her daughter is 5 months pregnant specifically to prove that her youngest child couldn't be her daughter's and therefore really is her own. wacko.

yes, i'm insulted that mccain made a vp pick that stinks of tokenism, of an attempt to get the votes of the female clinton supporters who don't want to switch to supporting obama.

but that's not the real issue. the real issue is why we're talking about palin.

1) it detracts our attention from the real issue of who mccain really is and how his actions are totally incongruous with who he's claiming to be. he's really a rich old futz that goes the way the wind blows but he's learned to play the 'maverick' on tv and we're letting him and some people are buying it. we're all talking about palin's flaws instead of focusing on mccain's flaws (which are ample) and obama's merits.

2) sexism is alive and we're seeing one of its most insidious faces: cattiness. what does her having so many kids have to do with her ability to do her job? she's been an effective governor and that is a question that would NEVER be put to a male candidate. what do palin's hair and glasses and clothes have to do with anything? the media and the citizens of this country are devolving into the same catty bullshit with palin that we did with clinton. (and are still doing...the media says, omg, is she going to sabatoge the convention? i say, omg, did the idiots in the media really think she might? the media have been watching too many hollywood flicks and nancy grace -- the people running the media and all the people who believe the media need a freaking reality check.)

change! hope! it starts with you! start to challenge the bullshit you've learned (explicitly and implicitly). challenge yourselves, for real. before you say anything about any female politician, businesswoman, celebrity, neighbor (i.e., any woman), please ask yourself: would i be thinking this if she were a man? would i feel this strongly about (insert topic here) if she were a man? would i say this petty stupid catty stuff about her if she were a man? can you think of any example when you applied that same judgement to a man? this is where the real equality of the sexes has to happen -- in our own brains.

biogenic amine

2008-08-19T12:12:00.000-07:00

i ended my hiatus from singing...and i just nearly puked in the sink.

my eyes have been pretty itchy, but a daily dose of patanol has been keeping the rub-my-eyes-till-they-bleed-instinct at bay. i haven't noticed too much post-nasal drip, so i went off the loratadine about two months ago.

it seems a falling tree does make a sound if you're there, but just not listening to it.

yesterday, i did some light warming up, pulled out a new art song and started getting the notes in my ear. today, i attempted more demanding warm ups. a couple high c's later, i was rushing to the bathroom trying not to puke. it seems that the vibrations shook loose some post-nasal drip, and my gag reflex was not prepared to bump into an unexpected acquaintance.

so i'm back to singing and back to loratadine (and maybe some salt water gargles before practicing for a couple days, just to be safe?).

refraction

2008-08-15T10:54:00.000-07:00

having put myself in closer physical proximity to the people and places of my past, i find myself making mental plans to visit as many as possible. many aren't necessarily people with whom i was incredibly close, but i want to see them nonetheless. it's fascinating to see how people grow and change. it's also a humbling experience to visit the self you used to be through these people you used to know...and to see who you were and who you are through the lens of who they were and who they are.

however, i have not made plans to visit two of the people with whom i was closest in college. i don't know if i want to visit these women. i don't know if they'd have me. and i don't know how to answer all those don't knows.

one is the roommate. i was never her closest friend, nor she mine, but we spent nearly all of college living together. i think we made good roommates. really good roommates, actually. she was so simultaneously silly spunky and yet somehow conservative. i still do her little leprechaun dance when i'm feeling free and silly. i've sent several emails over the years -- some as innocuous as asking her advice on grad schools for my sister who was going into the same program she had been in -- but with no response.

the other was the best friend. one of the most interesting and talented people i've ever met. and so honest. when i remember the substance in college life outside the theater or the classroom, i remember talking with her, trips to chicago with her, and more talking.

the best friend and the roommate actually *were* best friends, so i was kind of the odd girl out in the trio. that's always been my place -- in but out. i suppose that's the space i've created for myself, or perhaps the only space i knew how to occupy after a childhood of moving every year or two. all the cool people have already bonded with their best friends, so when i show up late, i take what i can get.

after several years of an occasional email sent but never responded to, and rejected friend requests, i am in casual contact with the best friend again. in fact, i think she might have sent me the friend request this time, and we've exchanged a couple cordial comments.

our senior year was tumultuous, as i think it always is. for kids who've never been "on their own," there is an anxiety simmering under the surface. the only routines and responsibilities we've know are about to change forever.

i went through my first breakup. i had no clue what i was going to do upon graduation. i got really freaking depressed and put myself in counseling. i flirted with alcoholism. i found physical affection where i could, and not always in the best places. and my so-called best friends said "i don't like the choices you're making" and "i don't know who you are anymore" and they washed their hands of me. i spent most of my time out of the apartment so i could avoid their freeze. i quit singing because choir necessitated placing myself in proximity of their freeze. five months to graduation, i had to find a new social circle.

i may have crossed some boundaries in trying to be a helpful friend. i confused and possibly hurt a mutual friend with whom i had a fling. but I WAS 20 YEARS OLD!! am i exempt from ever being allowed to fuck up? am i exempt from one little semester of being young and scared and stupid? if i were my friend (and i try to be), i'd say: yes, you are allowed to be imperfect. you are allowed to make mistakes. and i still love you.

is there something i'm missing? was there something i did that i have no clue i did? is there some justification for their actions other than a) they didn't really care about me or b) they were too self-absorbed to be a good friend to me? they made the time to be friends for each other...why weren't they a friend to me?

my one call for help, my one moment of need, and the people i thought were my true friends failed me. part of me is making excuses for them ("they were probably dealing with their own shit"). my sense of justice is inflamed suspecting that their memories may have erased the good and replaced it with some skewed image that doesn't resemble me...and likewise suppressed their failure to be there for me the one time it counted. perhaps i'm mostly just trying to avoid feeling how hurt i was, and still am, by it.

best friend, i thought you were possibly the awesomest person ever. you are so beautiful and so funny and so talented. i've missed your penchant for goats and your silver tongued words. tell me, when you write it, do we become friends again?

homesteader

2008-07-21T10:56:00.000-07:00

i've made my migration back eastward. being back in the mid-south, i'm finding that things are simultaneously familiar and new, which is actually quite a nice experience. we've been busy trying to build this apartment (with amazing potential but not devoid of some rough patches) into a home. i dare say we've made good progress. the next step is to get out of the house and make this city a home, too.

i had a lovely adventure driving out here with bf zerd. on day 1, we enjoyed all of the stimulating conversation we hadn't had time for in months before being accosted by a near-biblical downpour of mosquitoes against the windshield. on day 2, we were the accidental patriots, celebrating independence day at mt. rushmore by belting out the "ultimate american sing-along" with the 43rd army band from nebraska. on day 3, we tried to wrap our brains around what life must have been like for a homesteader as we visited wall drug, the badlands and a homestead with its original sod house (and believe me, the coughing mannequin with his pants down in the out-house was even creepier than the guy sitting out front). on day 4, i dropped zerd at what was once the place she called home, and i finally made it to the place i would make into my new home.

coat hangers

2008-06-04T16:19:00.000-07:00

kudos to waldo l. fielding, m.d., for writing this essay for the ny times (click here to read).

i believe that women, as humans, have the right to control what goes into and comes out of our own bodies. please let us keep the right to have safe medical care among our options as we make our choices about what goes on inside the boundaries of our own flesh.

work instead of play

2008-05-30T10:06:00.000-07:00

i've previously posted about the "stuff white people like" blog. it's useful in that is lets us look at ourselves with humor. it's a great door opener for white people to talk about race.

however, it doesn't really address issues of race and the way race works in our society (and i'm talking local, national, and global society), and it certainly doesn't force us to do the dirty work of really facing our own racism and the ways in which those of us who are white benefit from institutional racism.

this blog attempts to do just that: http://stuffwhitepeopledo.blogspot.com/

the white elephant in the room

2008-05-30T08:26:00.000-07:00

portland is, by far, the whitest place i've ever lived. for such a "liberal" and "progressive" city, there is a really weird history of racial segregation here (as i was reminded by this article)...and a really weird collective ignoring of the messed-up ways race relations continue to work in this city.

i'll admit it: the overwhelming whiteness of city, and of my social circle herein, has been incredibly comfortable. race somehow becomes theoretical...or even invisible...when you're surrounded by people who look like you (in the bars, in the stores, on the tv, in the movies) -- and when the people who look like you just happen the be the ones who control most of the capital. (oh, but it's so much more complicated than just capital, isn't it?)

sure, i want my friends to be able to purchase affordable houses. sure, i hang out on alberta and i live in the northeast. but every once in a while, reality seeps in. the life that i and much of my social circle enjoy is dependent on the displacement of other people -- specifically, black people. (gosh, this application of black/white labeling to humans seems so absurd, and yet it is a social reality.) whether i want to admit it or not, the things i enjoy about northeast portland are inextricably linked to gentrification's whitewashing effects.

how do we, as white people, learn to see the selfishness inherent in our everyday actions? how do we come to break the learned selfishness and decide that the greater good is more important than our personal comfort, benefit and advantage? (ditto for sexism, my man-friends and heterosexism, my hetero-friends.)

it's some dirty, nasty, hard work trying to unravel the gnarly social stupidity we've been taught and upon which all of our social institutions are built. but it's good work. it's the right work. so let's get to work.

contained chaos

2008-05-27T13:32:00.001-07:00

the seam in the time-space continuum has sealed back up. no longer as i stuck in that magical yet unnerving state of duality. now there is only all the shit that must get done in two weeks time.

our home is exploding as we try to find space for all the things that are packed amidst the things that are not yet packed. soon the empty space will reappear between the boxes and newsprint and rolls of tape as we crate up our life for shipping.

work is exploding, too. i've inherited a behemoth study that the previous owners made impossibly complicated. ugh. more and more i'm trying to preach the gospel of kiss (which was taught to us by our seventh grade english teacher as: keep it simple, stupid.)

i feel like i'm in line for chaos at opryland (which, alas, has since been replaced by a huge shopping mall). chaos, the indoor roller coaster that was nashville's answer to space mountain, opened right after we moved to nashville. what i remember most is not the ride but the effectiveness of the wait. an hour spent inside with artificial air and nothing to look at but the black walls and the people around you, with the constant sound of multiple dissonant clocks ticking and a lady's voice periodically saying "hurry to the station...your time is running out..."

i keep hearing it as i'm packing, as i'm working, as i'm shitting...when i should be sleeping. tick tick tick. hurry. your time is running out.

i catch myself holding my breath as i go about my day. if you see me, remind me to breathe.

party politics

2008-05-21T10:53:00.001-07:00

as the primary progresses, i am increasingly disappointed with the democratic party. i understand that we want to put a democrat in the white house. believe me, i want that too!

that said, i also want the people of this country, not some party-loyal elites, to determine who that democratic nominee will be. this may be unavoidable due to our "protect the ignorant masses from themselves" delegate structure which gives totally out-of-whack super-representation to a few elite party leaders (and don't even get me started on caucuses), but it's too late to restructure the system for this election. what really concerns me, and what can be resolved in the here and now, is the democratic party's disenfranchisement of nearly 1 in 10 americans -- simply because they live in michigan and florida.

it is abhorrent that the residents of michigan and florida who took the time to vote are having their votes thrown out because of decisions made by party leaders in those states to move up primaries against the will of the national party. i see no democracy in this kind of petty party politics in which the punishment for not playing by the rules results in the mass disenfranchisement of citizens.

i also want party leaders and the media to start reporting the results of this competition with some sense of statistical context. again, i understand that there can only be one winner, and i understand the implications of the math if we're dealing with delegate counts which exclude michigan and florida. however, the reality is that obama's lead over clinton is less than 10%. that's a pretty small margin, if you ask me, and surely is not a decisive lead. what i don't understand is the audacity it takes to ask someone who trailing by such a small margin to drop out of the race. politics are gnarly, unpredictable stuff, and an upset can't be entirely ruled out with such a small margin and so many variables. furthermore, i wouldn't want to be counted out or asked to quit something when i trailed by less than 10%. would you?

fourth dimension

2008-05-02T10:37:00.000-07:00

what is it about springtime that always gives me this feeling of deja vu? perhaps it is the awakening from winter's psychic hibernation and that moment when you look at yourself and say hey, don't i know you from somewhere?

amidst the warmer air and longer days, i get a distinct sense of time overlapping. it's like i've been here before, and simultaneously like i haven't. winter feels so...linear. (perhaps i'm mistaking static for linear?) in springtime, however, i find it highly unlikely that time functions linearly. i'm not talking about a spinning wheel either -- time is way too messy for such a simply-structured model. i suspect that the answer lies in relativity rather than in absolutes.

in this moment (if such a thing exists outside my brain's perception of the concept), i am open to believing in parallel realities, multiple lives or multiple levels of consciousness. or is my brain just regurgitating theories and books and movies? in this day and age (again, whatever that means if time as we conceptualize it doesn't exist), is it even possible to have original thought? sometimes i wonder if we aren't so programmed that even our rebellion is merely an acting out of what we've been taught to do.

i have this low-grade, continuous flutter of deja vu in my gut. the sun and warm air feel familiar and feel right, but are they only noticeable due to the contrast with what preceded? either way, they are intoxicating and rouse desire to do something risky, but they are also making me nostalgic. i continue, overwhelmed by mystery yet emboldened by possibility.

huh. i guess this is what they call spring fever?

sassy is as sassy does

2008-04-16T22:03:00.001-07:00

i can't help but smile everytime i see one of the robin's egg blue cabs with "sassy's cab" running across the side. one of these days i'll remember to take a picture of it. i think i'll post it next to my monitor to remind me about what's really important.

desperately seeking sense

2008-03-30T10:28:00.000-07:00

oh, what a world, what a world.

how is it that corporations manage to have zero brains and zero heart yet audacity up the wazoo?

the big-business of agriculture in south america -- which exists so that we can enjoy produce out of season -- is poisoning us and poisoning the eco-systems and communities where said produce is grown. as if that weren't evil enough, it's detrimental, global impact reaches so far as poisoning the north american birds who winter in south america. (read article here.)

in other "dear god, what kind of mess have we created" news, manufacturers of bio-diesel are making a "green" energy source but are dumping tons of by-product into the rivers. since the by-product is non-toxic to humans, someone apparently thought dumping it in the river would be okay. alas, it is literally suffocating the inhabitants of the river to death. reduce petro dependency, kill eco-systems -- is this really a "green" alternative? (read article here.)

how is it that we allow the import of produce grown with massive pesticide use that would be illegal in the u.s.? and how, in this day and age -- after looking at everything that has happened in this country, everything that is happening in china -- how can anyone think it is okay to dump ANYTHING into a river or lake or ocean...ever?

i blame people. corporations are amalgamations of people -- not some sort of autonomous entity. people in power are making irresponsible decisions. and other people in power profit from it, and their tacit support of the irresposibility makes them just as culpible.

what the fuck is wrong with people

(btw, read casimir's blog for additional education about the enviro- socio-global implications of food we eat -- and some yummy slow-food recipies.)

keeping my eye on the real issues

2008-03-28T13:03:00.000-07:00

living in portland is feeling lately like living in a sea of optimistic, idealistic obama-supporters. their enthusiasm for his rhetoric can make a person second-guess herself. thank goodness that not everyone in the media is infatuated with obama or a clinton-hater (maureen dowd, i loved you, but we're over). more and more, i am finding paul krugman to be the voice of reason among all the demonization and idolization being thrown around.

let's talk policy. read paul's latest column.

i prefer a president who has progressive yet actionable policy plans, no matter how entrenched in politics-as-usual she might seem on the outside. many of clinton's policies are a return to the idea of a government responsible for taking care of its citizens (à la new deal policies) and in our present economic situation, that might not be such a bad thing. i find this to be a compelling position. re-tooling the system to serve a greater purpose is change, and i'd like to think it is at least somewhat realistic.

(and, yes, i secretly hope that a return to new-deal style government during economic gloominess might again lead to the creation of governmental support for arts outreach like the federal theatre project. art is critical to keeping us in touch with what is human, particularly when times get tight and, as a whole society, we start switching out of "thrive" mode into "survive" mode.)

the monogamy myth

2008-03-18T13:18:00.000-07:00

it turns out that even those species that "mate for life" are apparently getting their groove on outside of the relationship. (read ny times article)

perhaps it's time we set aside unrealistic expectations of complete monogamy. instead, i suggest we focus on figuring out how to have affairs without destroying our partnerships. that is perhaps the harder task, but it is the one which respects both our nature and our social bonds. a 100% commitment to the relationship and to your partner need not require a 100% dedication of your sexuality to that person.

the politics of fruit

2008-03-03T07:53:00.000-08:00

i didn't know farming policies and politics in this country are so messed up. i'm jaded enough not to be surprised, but i'm still disturbed by it.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/01/opinion/01hedin.html?em&ex=1204693200&en=4f0386d314947329&ei=5087%0A

stuff white people like

2008-02-21T17:03:00.000-08:00

okay, so this blog is clearly talking about a certain kind of middle/upper-class, left-leaning white person.

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/

i choose to share it for some funny moments it musters up, accepting that it has imperfections (including its presentation of redundant ideas as separate and unique items).

laughter and my new love of radio lab

2008-02-16T08:58:00.001-08:00

i've recently developed a love for 'radio lab' on opb. i keep stumbling into it on friday nights while in the car between dinner and drinks. i have to wrench myself away from it and out of the car to join the fun in the bar.

while looking for a podcast of the "laughter" episode, i discovered that this show is on the air four nights per week on opb. yes!

i couldn't find a podcast of the laugher episode, but i found a webpage for it which contains most of the material from the episode. it looks like it's going to air again next friday (i heard it about a month ago). maybe after that they will podcast it.

their podcast list is enticing, though. i'm looking forward to their exploration of wagner's ring cycle, musical language, sleep, placebo and emergence. it makes my brain tingle with activity!

what lies beneath

2008-02-13T08:33:00.001-08:00

please read this article. it sums up everything i want to say about the democratic candidates, as well or better than i could. it calls out so-called "hillary hating" for what it really is, for the woman-hating that lies beneath it. the attacks against her in the media and by private citizens, and the tolerance of these attacks by the general population, is completely appalling.

http://www.womensmediacenter.com/ex/020108.html

i have been thinking about the election a lot. many of us have. i, for one, am not so naive as to think a democrat in the white house is a done deal. (call me a cynic, but i think realist is more accurate.) that said, we should not determine our democratic primary vote based on who we think is more "electable" against a republican -- in doing so, we let the republicans (and arguably the media) choose our candidate for us.

i've also been thinking about the criteria i look for in a president. yes, the ability to inspire citizens is nice. but i see the presidency as any other job, and experience and training count tremendously. personally, i expect the candidate i back to either have a strong track record as an executive leader at the state or national level (i.e., 5-10 years governor, vice president, perhaps cabinet member) or a strong track record in either house of congress at the national level. basically, you gotta really know how to be a head executive or you gotta really know the workings in washington, and preferably you know both. only one of the two leading democratic candidates can claim this.

one other request, if you have not already done so. please ask yourself: if they were both white women, who would i vote for? if they were both black men, who would i vote for? if they were both white men, who would i vote for? if they were both black women, who would i vote for? if all other things were equal, would obama's talent for charismatic delivery (sometimes of his own but sometimes of someone else's words) outweigh his lack of substantial executive branch or federal level experience?

idealist-realist

2008-02-07T13:06:00.000-08:00

the struggle between idealism* and realism seems to have pervaded all areas of my life this week.

several conversations about the democratic primaries have been laden with references to these concepts. the unexpected effect, alas, is the bittersweet resurgence of the personal political aspirations i set aside to focus on a career in the performing arts. (note to self: establish residence in california in order to parlay entertainment industry experience into a senate seat or gubernatorial success.)

i have also been trying to balance idealism and realism when it comes to this opera career thing. on the one hand, one must apply a certain amount of optimistic disregard for the politics of the system in order to achieve any kind of success with one's ethics still in tact and without having been consumed by cynicism. on the other hand, a realistic grasp of the system, corruptions and all, is requisite in determining the intermediate steps between aspirations and their fulfillment.

whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of...wrong monologue. but not entirely off topic, huh? i'm feeling kind of overwhelmed and confused, but so long as i can stave off the incapacitating effects of woulda-coulda-shoulda, i am feeling energized and ready for change. i'm also fortunate enough to have a partner who is at this moment similarly energized and ready for change.

*i use 'idealism' in general/idiomatically rather than referencing the philosophical doctrine of idealism.

ticker-tape parade

2008-02-05T12:32:00.001-08:00

i didn't realize until today that a ticker-tape parade was a parade where people throw paper out the windows of buildings on the parade route. it's a curious little ritual, but it certainly looks like more fun than your average coffee break. hmm. i was shredding work documents for an hour on monday...maybe i too will scatter it off my balcony in celebration for the giants.

satisfaction

2008-02-04T16:39:00.001-08:00

I very nearly didn't watch the Super Bowl this year. It seemed like a recipe for frustration and disappointment: mix one part strong dislike of the Patriots with one part lack of confidence in the Giants and one part jaded feelings about incompetent officiation in several recent Super Bowls; let stew for three to four hours until reaches screeching point.

I decided to suck it up, ignore the game and enjoy the company and smorgasbord of junk food. I spent the first half of the game only half watching, giving most of my attention to catching up with acquaintances and limiting myself to "reasonable" consumption of pizza and spinach dip.

The second half, however, found me glued to the screen. Somehow the surprisingly low-scoring first half had mutated the gathering's ambivalence about the game into a tangible excitement. We were a room devoid of Giants fans (most of us were still sore the Packers didn't make it), but we became Giants fans-for-an-hour. (I actually do happen to like the Giants, but I wouldn't qualify as a committed fan.)

My favorite defensive play among a lot of fine defensive playing had to be Michael Strahan flying over the line to sack Brady. Neither offense managed to have tons going on, but the Eli Manning/David Tyree feat in the last minute of the game was one to remember. For once Eli scrambled! And that catch by Tyree -- jumping into the air, catching it against his helmet and managing to maintain possession (and keep the ball from making contact with the ground) while being bent backwards over the lap of the defensive player. I don't know that any of this merits the exorbitant paychecks these guys receive, but today the Giants certainly earned their dough.

(And, of course, Belupchuck's lack of sportsmanship in the final second of the game...just another example of his class-act leadership.)

break my heart, warm my heart

2008-02-02T11:13:00.000-08:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/02/sports/football/02vickdogs.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

touché, radio. touché.

2008-02-01T19:17:00.000-08:00

you gotta i love it when the radio fucks with you.

last night was one of those times when the radio decides to provide extended and highly sarcastic commentary as you're processing your mental junk. yes, there are those magical moments when the radio becomes the perfect soundtrack to life, but this was definitely commentary. perhaps one could argue that it merely is what it is and that my mind interpreted it as commentary. but i prefer to think that there was some sort of cosmic smart-ass working the airwaves last night.

jerry springer: the opera

2008-01-31T10:51:00.000-08:00

this picture is not what it looks like. it is a chorus line of dancing transexual klansmen in jerry springer: the opera. and what's giving me the most shits and giggles is that this is playing at carnegie hall. (for the ny times, click review here)

in a similar vein, i stumbled across some of the new lyrics for the too much coffee man opera. while i might not get to play a
diaper fetishist, this show might yet give me the most atypical opera character i'll play...

from shannon wheeler's livejournal:

The sequel opens 2 years later with the Barista married to a Martian and now she's bored with that too....

BARISTA: (slowly)
Love is like bondage with the safety word forgotten
Two people playing chicken until the chicken’s rotten
And so the hours thicken, we dare each other to stay
This way…

things that make you go hmm...

2008-01-30T10:48:00.000-08:00

While spending geek time in The Aria Database, I decided to read the translation of Monostatos' aria from Die Zauberflöte. Wow. To be sure, it presents an interesting challenge to a director and cast. I had learned from Zerd that Monostatos is a Moor, but I didn't know the extext to which race is present in his lyrics. The few productions I've seen have whitewashed the translation, erasing all traces of race issues. I wonder, however, if a better approach would be to reveal and challenge the biases of that era rather than try to erase them.

The transation from The Aria Database is as follows:

Everything feels the joys of love,
Bills and coos, dallies, cuddles, and kisses,
And I should have avoided love,
Because a black person is ugly!
Was I then not given a heart?
Am I not of flesh and blood?
Always to live without a little wife,
Would truly be the flames of hell!

Thus, I want, because I am living,
To bill and coo, kiss, be tender!
Dear good moon, forgive me,
A white woman captivated me,
White is beautiful! I must kiss her;
Moon, hide yourself for this!
Should it vex you too much,
Oh, then close your eyes!

Speaking of more race politics in opera, I read an interesting article in all that's fit yesterday on a new jazz-style, Katrina-set Porgy and Bess. Realizing I didn't really know much about the plot, I took a trip over to wiki. Again, Wow. To be sure, it presents an interesting challenge to a director and cast. Porgy and Bess is some kind of messed up when viewed in the context of plot and characters, but at the same time it is such an important piece of work when viewed as an œuvre in greater social context.

So much to think about.

(The image here is a print of Monostatos from the Ballard Institute and Museum of Puppetry .)

don't drink the water

2008-01-30T08:02:00.000-08:00

...well, at least not if it's hot water from the tap. it sounds like a myth that drinking hot water from the tap contains higher levels of contamenants, but then it does makes sense, and the ny times is saying it's true. granted, we can't trust everything the ny times says (see blog entry below), but i'm hoping this is a subject they actually researched before reporting.

out of touch at the ny times

2008-01-24T09:08:00.000-08:00

those crazy kids at the ny times have done it again -- they done gone and went and belied their total lack of knowledge in the realm of pop culture. that and they revealed their apparent belief that facts are totally unnecessary when "reporting" on mainstream/pop culture topics.

in this article in today's times on the new wave of temporary tattoos, the reporter chooses the following as her list of "heavily tattooed" celebrities noteworthly of citation in the article: gwen stefani, amy winehouse and jeremy shockey.

hmm. gwen stefani has no tattoos. i'm still trying to figure out that math.

the other two have some tattoos, but they are hardly what i would call "heavily tattooed", nor are they celebrities with huge impact on fashion trends among the masses. if we're talking about trends here, shouldn't the people cited in the article be trendsetters?

oh, ny times, give me a break! if you can't find staff who know anything about mainstream culture, please just don't report on it!! if you feel you can't leave these topics to E! and *must* cover it yourself, at least get your freaking facts right. a couple minutes of internet research would help you a) report accurately and b) not look like a totally out of touch fool. the bottom line is that this kind of disregard to the basics of good reporting in one area, however unimportant the topic might be in the grand scheme, does shed doubt on the quality of reporting in all areas.

teeth

2008-01-18T09:29:00.000-08:00

i am interested in seeing this sundance winner called teeth. it looks mighty interesting.

i came across a review of it in today's ny daily news. the reviewer liked it pretty well, but e gad were there hostile comments from readers. seems some people are really shook up by the idea of a vag that's equipped to defend itself. my favorite is the comment about how terrible it is to subject young males to watching the depiction of young males being castrated. i guess subjecting young females to the depiction of young and adult males trying to rape a young female is totally kosher.

as my blood pressure was rising and i was again losing all hope in humanity (as i did reading reader responses to a page on racist disney characters), i distracted myself by trying to find a trailer. the reader comments at imdb restored my faith that some people, in fact many people, do actually own brains and know how to operate them. yeah!

calling gloria

2008-01-11T07:04:00.000-08:00

oh, gloria, i admit i have been unhappy with you at times this last decade or so. however, thank you for this op-ed piece in the all that's fit on the intersection of sex and race and how it's playing out in electoral politics.

sidebar: i continue to be thoroughly puzzled, angered and distressed by the widespread denial of sexism that is clogging our cultural discourse and our psyches.

taking marriage private

2008-01-04T13:18:00.000-08:00

i love when people talk sense. i love it when people have a conversation about contemporary issues and put it in a historical context. thus, i enjoyed this article. i hope you will too.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/26/opinion/26coontz.html

what a shocker...

2008-01-03T14:15:00.000-08:00

... i'm a liberal. weird. i never saw that one coming.

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 10% Conservative, 90% Liberal
Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal
Personal Responsibility: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal
Fiscal Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal
Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal
Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

dreamworks, miseducating our youth

2007-11-13T09:11:00.000-08:00

i'm tired of movies that miseducate our children. movies that show children the impossible (i.e., walking into a closet and finding another world on the other side) that intend to expand the imagination our kids are one thing -- they do a service to our children in teaching them how to think outside of the box. i'm talking about movies that are just scientifically sloppy -- because someone thought that was funnier or more interesting or just didn't do research. these movies do a disservice to our kids.

dreamworks has apparently decided that male protagonists are more interesting than female protagonists, and that this justifies an entire re-writing of how the natural world works. in both bee movie and antz, they invent male workers. (here's an article from the ny times on the topic.) what's the point of this? are female characters so lacking in interest? are men so important that we must re-write the laws of nature to invent more male characters?

(don't even get me started on the nickelodeon pile of dung, barnyard, in which cow characters who are male have udders. how? and more importantly, WHY?)

joy v2

2007-11-10T21:36:00.001-08:00

thank goodness i have this to keep me happy.

diversity of campaign staff

2007-11-10T21:35:00.000-08:00

dude, no he didn't

2007-11-09T09:39:00.000-08:00

my favorite quote from the willy week's review of OTO's muscle max:

"Dave Nemorino (Zakk Hoyt) is the wiener-slinging hero pining after bracelet-bedecked Adina (Natasha Risotto), who harbors a wet spot for hunky Steve Belcore (Michael Miersma)."

hmm. i didn't know one could "harbor" a wet spot.

anyway, my real point is: is the term "a wet spot" really appropriate in this review? (or any review?) having personally seen the show in question, i can find no justification for the use of such an overtly sexual reference in the review of a show that is so insanely PG in its portrayal of the characters' sexuality. lacking substantive reason for the use of blatantly sexual terminology, the reviewer's choice of words is just plain crass. (i'm sensing some gay-boy girl-hating in this choice of words -- the female character is the only one who is so crassly and unnecessarily and inappropriately sexualized -- but that's another conversation.)

here's to a new low in my favorite reviewer's body of work, published by my favorite local paper!

should overweight be my goal?

2007-11-07T07:13:00.000-08:00

hmm. here's an article on an interesting story from all that's fit. seems that mortality rates are lower among the overweight (but not obese) than among people with "normal" or "ideal" weights. maybe i should stay closer to my current bmi of 30 than my goal of 23? or maybe it's just that the goal should be physical ability rather than physical appearance?

bicycle city

2007-11-06T10:06:00.000-08:00

the top emailed article in the ny times today is about portland and -- what else -- bicycles.

damned if you do, doomed if you don't

2007-11-01T08:48:00.000-07:00

An interesting look at the perceptions of women in the workplace from all that's fit to print.

“Most of what we learn shows that the problem is with the perception, not with the woman,” he said, “and that it is not the problem of an individual, it’s a problem of a corporation.”

Duh. But thank you for putting it in print.

it's halloween in the castro - every day but halloween

2007-10-30T09:59:00.000-07:00

not sure which is more interesting -- this article about gay neighborhoods or the fact that this article is currenlty the 2nd most emailed article at nytimes.com

sleep

2007-10-23T12:14:00.000-07:00

a whole section in the ny times on one of my favorite topics...

*drats. one day later and the science section is no longer just sleep articles. but here are links to some of the sleep articles:

sleep and memory
nightmares
too little sleep
sleep and aging
sleep drugs
co-sleeping
thoughts on sleep

disturbia

2007-10-11T07:55:00.000-07:00

<~~~~it may be the metropolitan opera, but it's still new york city...

It’s interesting to walk through a place without the tunnel-vision of living there. How did I never notice that you can see Times Square all the way down Seventh Ave at W. 14th St.?

Oh, New York, you are your own unique, totally dysfunctional world.

I stopped at Whole Foods in Chelsea to pick up an apple and a couple bucks worth of hot food for dinner. On my way from produce to the prepared foods, I spotted the check-out line, laughed out loud, and left the store. Over a hundred people stood in line, most of whom had less than ten items to purchase. And to them, this was normal and okay.

More people have touched my body in the past four days than in the past six months. It is never dark here. It is never quiet here. I have to crane my neck to see sky. If I hadn’t stayed near Central Park at first – and now by Prospect Park, cat-sitting for friends – I’d not have seen any significant greenery.

The unnaturalness of the city is unsettlingly disturbing and phenomenally magical.

Yes, I admit it: I can see why people love NYC. I get it, really, I do. But how can one live in this place and not go crazy? It’s like living in some sort of fantastical mental illness to live here. I’m far too practical to cede my sanity for that high.

I’ve also been particularly aware on this visit, despite wearing flats, of how short New Yorkers are. Where are the sons and daughters of Norway and Germany?

memory

2007-10-09T07:14:00.000-07:00

I’m not at all the nostalgic type. Quite the contrary, I spend such exorbitant amounts of time planning that I barely have time for living the present, much less the past. So it’s generally a pleasant surprise when memories pop up and bop me on the head.

I’m in NYC for the week for work. Since I’m catching some opera while I'm here, I booked a hotel on the Upper West Side. I’m at Broadway and W. 73rd in short term apartments (the clientele is certainly tourist, not business, but the price and location were right). It’s surprisingly large, it has a clean (and private) bath and an illuminated cross next door welcomes me home each evening. (Ah, vestige of old New York...)

Trying to be a good opera singer, what with the Oregon District MONC next weekend, I figured I ought to limit the use of AC in my room. Since there was an arctic chill upon check in, I turned the AC off before heading out for the evening. (Five days of AC in the office plus flying PDX to Orlando to NYC to PDX this week should provide ample dehydration to battle.) I returned from using the free wifi at Cosi a couple blocks uptown to the faintest smell of garbage and fish in my room.

Bop! I was back in my first apartment in the city. My best friend Jamila and I were sharing a bedroom (and a bed) in downtown Brooklyn in a loft space converted to a 3-bedroom. The first floor was a fish fry place and the second floor was a beauty parlor. Thus, the place smelled like fish in the afternoon and we had no cold water from 8am to 5pm. That lasted about two months. (We found out years later, when a lawyer contacted us while researching his case, that the entire building was zoned for commercial use only and the guy from whom we were subletting was several years behind in rent, having been “subletting” the apartment for years and pocketing the money.)

joy

2007-10-02T16:00:00.001-07:00

opinions

2007-10-02T15:04:00.000-07:00

morsels for thought...

revisionist supreme court justice jerks...

the place of 9/11 in the presidential race...

debate: headshots

2007-09-20T15:43:00.000-07:00

well, i'm only moderately happy with the results of my photo shoot. but all you need from a photo shoot is one good shot, and i came out with a couple viable options, so i guess it was a success.

here are my best shots. please comment and let me know which one you would get printed up if you were me.

Option 1

Option 2

Option 3

Option 4

elsa

2007-09-13T20:45:00.000-07:00

it was a spontaneous decision, but one several years in the making. the universe offered up a little dog to me, and i took her. meet elsa. she's a chi-poodle (or poo-huahua, take your pick), 2 months old*, not even a pound yet and totally adorable.

* footnote: just found out that elsa's actually about 4 weeks, not 2 months like the owner said. she really should still be with her mommy. but seeing as the lady who owns her mommy is trying to get rid of the puppies asap, it doesn't look like that would happen even if we returned her. so out to the store for puppy formula i go...

water and woods

2007-09-11T22:18:00.000-07:00

after weeks of a light work load, i suddenly find my plate overfloweth. it's 10pm and i'm just getting started (or rather, stalling on getting started). oh, the blessing and curse that is working from home.

i'm counting down the days until the weekend. heading up to the hood river area for "wild women in the woods" -- a loosely organized weekend of hiking, kayaking and general debauchery. i'm excited about some time with dirt under my feet, communing with the trees and playing multi-person solitaire. i was hoping for warm enough weather to swim, but alas, frolicking at sauvie island labor day weekend gave me swimmer's ear. swimming just isn't satisfying if i can't completely submerge my merself. swimming or not, i'm still hoping for warm weather because the 40-degree rating on my hot pink camo sleeping bag is a lie! note to self: must remember to administer my ear drops three times per day even when swimming in vodka.

shot through the heart

2007-09-07T09:06:00.000-07:00

well, actually shot in the face -- but not in the dick cheney's hunting buddy way.

i decided that my headshot is overdue for an update. my hair isn't short anymore. and it's blonde now. and i'm no longer twenty. and i'm using it for opera instead of theatre.

so, i gathered up some of my fanciest dresses and a wad of cash (emptying my checking account in the process) and went over to see owen carey. in about a week i'll get to see the results, but glancing through the thumbnails on his camera, i'm optimistic.

and i had fun playing princess for the afternoon. (i can just hear you, every one of you, saying "of course you did.")

comic con

2007-09-04T11:25:00.000-07:00

i went to comic con in san diego to perform the too much coffee man opera a month ago. it was a trip. the convention floor was, what, like a quarter mile by 100 yards? the scale of everything was pretty rad -- tens of thousands of people, gigantic sauron and voldemort, batman and chewbacca twice my height made of legos, and whatever the huge blue thing at the sci fi channel's booth was.

gosh were there some fun toys.

i was expecting more attendees in costume, but i got much pleasure from the homemade costumes -- anything made with a cardboard box as its base gets my vote.

some other highlights of the weekend...

a skinny, cranky, aviator-bespectacled girl throwing rocks at joey outside the airport

laughing blue gatorade out through my nose a half hour before go

the man in the front row who brought his own cushion for the theatre chair

celebrity sighting: danny bonaduce (avec wife) at starbucks and joss wheedon at the dark horse booth (alors, no jessica alba pour moi...)

the almost dining at ch1ve and search for another restaurant fiasco

my first in & out burger

gorging myself on cas' pizza (and getting a shiner from hero during a game of tickle torture gone bad)
swimming in the pacific
walking through the people lined up to see us perform as we entered the theatre!

btw, check out shannon wheeler's comics in russian on livejournal. too much coffee man in по-русски ... Очень Хорошо!

what's the world coming to?

2007-08-30T07:24:00.000-07:00

you've got to be effing kidding me. jail time for sagging jeans?

narcissus

2007-08-29T22:25:00.000-07:00

i had fun with photo booth yesterday. yes, i'm vain. i like pictures of me. i want you to like pictures of me. i want you to like me. sigh.

the album's at http://www.myspace.com/deeluxegal, if you have a myspace account.

meanderings

2007-08-28T16:44:00.000-07:00

sunshine is nice. walked to the pearl in it. feel like a person again.

reading is nice too. makes me a calmer person. half way through as simple as snow (loaned to me by zerd -- probably the best read person i personally know). it's weird to read a novel about high schoolers who are texting and emailing each other, since that wasn't a part of my high school experience or in any of the literature that shaped my world view. but it's a good book thus far.

made a lovely salad at whole foods. julienned beets, strawberries and romaine lettuce with a touch of red wine vinegar and oil. rich popping colors and a crispy/sweet/earthy thing going on. mmm for all the senses.

found cute boots that fit my feet for the first time in like five falls. found two pairs even!

i decided that ice cream calories don't count if you eat the ice cream while walking. but i didn't enjoy the ice cream as much. poo.

funniest pick up line i've heard in a while: i'm walking down nw second ave carrying said boots, guy on bicycle goes by, circles back around and says "can i help you carry those...or wash?" then he proceeds with "i'll give you a ride home. i know how to wipe my own ass." if this isn't evolution of the species, what is? it was everything i could do not to spread my legs right then and there.

are you ready for some football?

2007-08-27T11:33:00.000-07:00

on saturday we went up to seattle for what was the end of one football season and the start of another. as most of you know, my sweets plays for the portland shockwave, which is part of the iwfl (a national women's tackle football league). the iwfl season ended a couple weeks ago, right about the time nfl pre-season got started.

the seattle majestics invited us up to scrimmage them as part of the pre-game programming at the seahawks/vikings pre-season game. the lady ballers also got to unfurl and wave the 20yd x 15yd flag during the anthem. then we went up to our nosebleed seats to sit behind melissa's bachelorette party and watch the game. (i have to admit, the veil pinned to the "melissa's bachelorette party" trucker hat was cute.) although i had been on the field during halftime at the meadowlands during a week 16 giants vs. cowboys game (to take pictures of a scrimmage when darleen played for the ny sharks), saturday was my first "nfl game" from up in the stands. i expected the players to look smaller than they did from the nosebleeds, but i was pleasantly surprised.

i'm looking forward to this fall. hoping to enjoy LT and the duo of reggie bush/deuce mcallister as much as i did last season. we'll see if brady quinn and jurevicius and a couple other key trades/drafts can help the browns get anything started this year (although one naturally doesn't expect real results for a couple seasons). but funniest nfl news thus far? some guy on ebay is selling michael vick cards that have been chewed by a dog!

plant love

2007-08-21T12:45:00.000-07:00

plants: in my garden
this grey weather has me feeling like summer is already over. i never did get around to expanding my garden. the unusually ickles weather has been a mixed blessing -- i didn't need to water everyday and therefore didn't develop the usual depth of relationship with my garden; but being away from home so much this summer was easier knowing that one day without water wasn't going to kill my geraniums.

plants: organizational system
as i search for motivation to get my act together with fall auditions, i keep running into carl linnaeus. (okay, not actually running into him, but coming across references to him.) developing binomial nomenclature for my to-do list might not speed things up, but it would be a fun procrastination method.

plants: reasons to buy stuff
eco-consumerism inspires people in some, um, interesting ways. take cargo's plantlove lipstick -- the packaging is made from corn instead of petroleum and part of the packaging can be planted in your yard and will sprout wildflowers. lindsay lohan even designed one of the colors. i want the job of the person who got paid to come up with this stuff.

max roach (1924-2007)

2007-08-16T11:31:00.000-07:00

grandpa nick's gonna enjoy having max roach on the other side with him. they'll light up a joint and talk philosophy through the music.

darcelle's

2007-08-13T13:53:00.001-07:00

here is the one joke worth keeping from the show at darcelle's on saturday night:

a really tragic event happened the other day in washington d.c.
george w. bush's library caught on fire.

(pause)

bush is really sad because it destroyed both of his books.

(pause)

and he hadn't finished coloring them yet.

real and imagined

2007-08-13T13:06:00.000-07:00

the disparity between fantasy and reality is lately shocking me. i try to uncover the moment of fissure whenceforth my mind continued on the course of things expected while reality turned and took a different path. alas, said moment alludes me.

little river flows

eyes closed in joy do not see

rocks changing her path

and there you have it...there's the reason i'm not "a writer." you should see the equally lame poetry from the teen years.

speaking of which, check out the show mortified the next time it plays in your city. maybe even pull out your old journals and audition.

(btw, like the little rock art we found at babgy by some andy goldsworthy imitator?)

cascade locks

2007-08-11T18:50:00.000-07:00

yesterday mon cher ami smuggled me aboard a jet boat tour up to cascade locks. (alas, no disguises or bondage were required. that fantasy about a hood over my head and waking up in the trunk of a car will have to wait.)

our tour narrator extraordinaire imbibed us with all kinds of neat knowledge. my nerd self was soaking it up. some of my favorite factoids:

during the month of august, the columbia flows backwards. due to the moon's closeness to the earth and the ocean's influence on the river, the columbia right now is flowing about 2 mph away from the pacific instead of its usual 8 mph out to sea.

the original burnside bridge was moved and is now the sellwood bridge (which is apparently a very unsafe bridge -- stay away from it). what is now the burnside bridge was built a couple years thereafter.

the city's building a new bridge to sauvie island. the one that is currently there is going to be moved and set up around flanders st or something like that.

the center span of the fremont bridge was lifted and put into place in about an hour. it was a record breaking dead-lift. 26 barges held the piece before it was lifted into place!

(i didn't realize i like bridges so much, but i must since that's most of what i retained. i also appreciated the beauty of the st. johns bridge...two years here and it was my first time seeing it.)

one of highlights, naturellement, was going through the lock at bonneville dam. when i was in 4th grade, my girl scout troop volunteered for a day at a lock house in maryland. we wore period dresses. (the little house on the prairie replica was not a flattering look for my pre-pubescent body, and the thick itchy fabric was nothing like the gone with the wind attire i had been hoping for. sigh.) we used period brooms to sweep out the original lock-keeper's house as we told visitors about how the lock worked. but the lock was no longer working, and it was small, and we just stared down into it briefly.

we entered the large cement pen which is the bonneville lock. the crew tied the boat to the side of the lock, and the huge doors behind us grinded shut. un peu de claustrophobia set in, but i held it mostly at bay. somehow i expected water to flow in from somewhere visible, but instead it bubbled up from under us -- raising us just over 50 ft in the process. after a light lunch at the cascade locks visitor's center and a short walk through downtown cascade locks (happening place that it is -- what vacant looking people), we returned through the locks. during the descent, wheels somewhere in the lock made creepy ringing siren calls in major thirds, creating the expectation of some creature to come forth when the doors opened. alas, the other side just held river, but it also held enough sunshine to make the choppy ride back mostly enjoyable.

of meat and men

2007-08-09T08:10:00.000-07:00

oh, the silliness of it all. more fab reporting from all that's fit to print.

myspace whore

2007-08-08T22:27:00.000-07:00

so, not only have i started taking and posting those myspace surveys, i've started writing ones. what a dork.

btw, here it is. i thought it was clever at the time. why do i feel like i need to share this stuff about myself?

Age: 29
Birthplace: bartlesville, ok
Children: soon (i hope!)
Drug: sugar
Emotion: longing
Fear: depression
Goal: international fame (not that i’m aspirational or anything)
Home: wherever i am
Inspiration: generosity of others
Joy: music
Kink: biting
Love: water
Memory: snow up to my waist
Nickname: magoocher (in my wee years)
Occupation: helping people sell more shit
Priority: do right
Quirk: must do certain tasks in multiples of 4 or 5
Revelation: infinite capacity for love
Sense: smell
Temptation: cigarettes
Unacceptable: dishonesty
Vice: gluttony
Wealth: doing something that feeds you soul
Xenophilic or xenophobic?: neither and both
Youth: overrated
Zodiac: taurus with leo rising

road trip with the bro

2007-08-08T21:20:00.000-07:00

i was lately blessed with a visit from my younger brother, including an awesome roadtrip around northwestern oregon. we camped (he enjoyed playing firemaker), took in several very different views of the pacific, hiked in search of petroglyphs (found!) and dipped in a couple rivers.

some highlights:

(since i rather not prioritize importance of one experience versus another, i've used sequential order of occurrence as my organizing principle)

the view from the astoria column
curry chicken quesadillas at urban cafe
revolver-bearing firing range warning signs and cold war era light towers at cape disappointment (which i always mistakenly call cape despair or cape desolation...i'm so emo)
the tsunami warning signs along 101
sunset at canon beach
the driftwood cemetery that is the beach in lincoln city
touring and tasting at the rogue brewery & distillery
sand drifts at agate beach in newport
petroglyphs (mostly bears and water) east of sweet home
the river in cascadia
the stars in mt hood national forest (so many! so bright!)
watching zack make fire and take pictures of it (for hours)
bagby hot springs
diving into the river/waterfall by babgy (perhaps more awesome than the hot springs)
ending it all with yumminess from pastini back in portland

what's wrong with people?

2007-08-02T08:55:00.000-07:00

someone let their dog piss on my vespa this morning. how is it that you're on your morning walk with frodo, fido or fifi and he lifts his leg to piss on someone's vehicle and you let him? makes me want to lay a little snip-tuck on dog and owner.

mississippi

2007-08-02T07:43:00.001-07:00

my heart goes out to anyone in minneapolis affected by the I-35 bridge collapse. the pictures are crazy -- i can't imagine how bizarre it is in person. well actually, i can (i'm sure it's no more for the mind to take in than ground zero was), but it's still a lot to wrap one's head around.

rufus

2007-08-01T17:54:00.000-07:00

the sweets and i saw rufus wainwright at the crystal ballroom last night. 'twas lovely to see someone so adored for marching to his own drummer. (actually, marching to his own full orchestra, i suspect.) it's also refreshing to hear live music that's in tune!

(as you can see from the patterns adorning some of his flaming-er fans, his fans also march to their own drummers.)

one member of his band deserves a particular shout out. decked in thick rainbow suspenders, he played tenor sax, soprano sax, flute, recorder, piano and sang some lovely countertenor backup vox. hello, mr. most talented.

one of the highlights of the evening was an irish folk song that rufus and band performed sans amplification. maybe it was just me, but the crowd went crazy for this -- perhaps more so than for the old favs they came to hear him sing. pardon my new-agey moment, but there's magic in the unadulterated transmission of sound waves from human vessel to human vessel. one of my favorite aspects of the operatic tradition is said physical connection (sound produced by one person's body vibrating another person's body -- at a cellular level even!) conscious of it or not, people respond to this human connection when you give it to them -- last night being exhibit a-439.

the other highlight, of course, was the encore in which rufus lip synced to his cover of "get happy" dressed à la garland. with his band giddily participating as the dancing boys clad in black suits and baby pink shirts, they re-enacted the scene from summer stock -- complètement camp, mais complètement fab!

rufus performing the second act in lederhosen was quite adorable, too.

pass me the lead paint, would ya?

2007-08-01T17:42:00.000-07:00

yet another reason to skip giving a barbie to the kids in your life -- lead paint.

yup. in the "made in china" era, lead paint is no longer just an issue relegated to those who live in pre-war buildings and have kids with a penchant for dining on paint chips. no! lead paint is now a concern for anyone with kids who like to put toys in their mouths. not that kids ever do that.

rats are little people too

2007-07-25T08:04:00.000-07:00

according to all the news that's fit to print, rats are ticklish and giggle like human babies. which makes me think of mimi, pet rat of my friend lisa haas (playwright and performer extraordinaire), who was very cuddly and intuitive and totally lisa's familiar. and also about pulling my sandal-clad feet up onto the bench when making out in central park on a summer's night because, personally, having those little critters scurry over my feet does not encourage sexy feelings. thank you, rats, for such varied emotions and experiences.

we're gonna be priced out

2007-07-24T11:01:00.000-07:00

i'm seeing all this stuff in the media about how the presence of gays and artists positively impacts the economy of a city. (here's one for example) well, duh...we're fabulash. all the media attention this is getting is a) good news and b) bad news. people are saying positive things about gays and artists -- yeah! we're gonna get priced out of the neighborhood we made desirable even more quickly now -- boo! *sigh* i'm so conflicted.

star anise

2007-07-21T22:36:00.000-07:00

i had a lovely day despite the drizzle. (i've been sore about the grey and rain lately because it is the promise of a sunny july & august that keeps me going through the rainy winter.) i picked up the final installment harry potter, did a little joy riding (gosh i love to drive) and spent an hour in sephora (girly girl heaven -- i swoon). not a bad start.

then came the real fun -- hanging with my elizaebeth. we saw 'hairspray', which is a thoroughly awesome flick. bouncy music, positive social/political messages, fantastically campy choreography and john waters in what is one of my favorite movie cameos. we followed the movie with dinner at pho van -- not my introduction to vietnamese food, but my first time with the pho family of restaurants. tres yummy!

we topped the evening off with another portland-area first pour moi -- a trip to uwajimaya. i picked up glass noodles (who knew they were made with sweet potatoes?), my favorite japanese roasted mixed nuts ("a happy present from the earth" the package reads, and i concur), banana tapioca and myriad other goodies. (okay, maybe not ten thousand other goodies, but quite a few nonetheless.)

while in the spice aisle at uwajimaya, i spotted dried star anise. i've seen many pictures of star anise and knew exactly what i was looking at, but as i picked up the package i realized that i had never physically seen star anise before -- just photos of it. it seemed a strangely momentous occasion -- a reminder that even after nearly thirty years, there remain plenty of simple experiences yet to be had for the first time. it's nice to know that there are new things small as well as big to look forward to. (i know, i know, one doesn't end a sentence with a preposition, but "to which to look forward" seems awkward. hmm, awkward doen't look like it's spelled correctly, but yeah, i guess that's how it goes. it's fitting that the word looks its meaning, non?)

rascal scooter

2007-07-20T15:28:00.000-07:00

the past two months have been a test in stamina under stress exacerbated by sleep deprivation. death, wedding, reunion, performance and work have taken their toll (as has the chronic dehydration of five cross-country flights in six week's time). my body has become exhausted to the point of mindless submission, which bizarrely has lead to very good voice lessons. (is the mind too tired to get in the way of the body or the body too tired to listen to the mind?)

i've taken sizable joys in the study of the species this exorbitant travelling has afforded. however, it was upon homecoming that i stumbled on a true treasure of people watching pleasuredom. (keep portland weird, right?)

apparently today is creative use of rascal scooter day among the frosties of gateway. there was the old lady on the red rascal scooter in the drive thru line at burgerville, sandwiched between the black mid-sized SUV and the silver 4-door sedan. no less than an hour later i saw yet another red rascal scooter in automotive territory (although admittedly in the crosswalk and making its way towards the sidewalk). captained by a time-compacted grey-haired male, there was a rope tied to the back of the scooter, and in tow was a wheelchair bearing a round, beret clad old dame. she held the thin rope with both frail hands while her swollen, house-slippered feet shuffled against the ground (as her wheelchair was lacking in footrests and her legs lacking in musculature).

perhaps only a wheelchair towing scooter could top a drive thru scooter.

why this, of all life events, seemed a worthy impetus to commence el bloggo, je ne sais pas. it was simply too preciously strange a sight not to share.